


Hold Me Like a Grudge

by lovehugsandcandy



Category: Ride or Die (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 12:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18469354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovehugsandcandy/pseuds/lovehugsandcandy
Summary: 5 times Ellie couldn’t kiss Colt and 1 time she couldn’t not.





	Hold Me Like a Grudge

**I**

“Me? Jealous of Logan? That’s a good one. You should try stand-up comedy if college doesn’t work for you.” Colt rolled his eyes and looked out the window.

Ellie stared at his profile. “I think you’ve been jealous since the first time you saw us together.”

Colt turned, catching her eye. “Just….” Ellie waited. “Keep your eyes on the road, will ya?”

Ellie rolled her eyes and focused on the cones as he talked her thought the mechanics of drifting, but her first attempt did not go well. She got the wheels to break traction, sliding across the pavement, but it felt so counter intuitive that she pulled up in the turn; after the car spun out and they were surrounded by the smell of burnt rubber, she sighed, banging her head against the headrest.

“You got in your own head. You didn’t trust yourself.”

“It’s hard when everything you’re doing feels wrong. Turn right to go left?” She leaned back and shut her eyes. 

“Drifting takes fearlessness. Total confidence. Even when you think you’re going the wrong way, you gotta stay the course.”

Ellie shot him a glare. “Easier said than done.”

He raised an eyebrow right back at her. “What isn’t?”

At Ellie’s sigh, he continued. “There is a trick some drivers use…..” She listened carefully as he talked about punching the clutch to increase the RPMs and then quick releasing. Of course, then he continued, “You’re right. You’re not ready. Come on, let’s get you back to your test…”

She strewed in the driver’s seat.  _Screw him_. She started again, back towards the cones, glaring at the pavement. Colt glanced at her, “You’re just gonna embarrass yourself.” Looking at the RPMs, she bit her lip and dove in, hearing the tires squeal underneath her. She bit her lip.  _Come on…come on_ ….and the car shot out of the turn.

Ellie’s mouth dropped. “Ok, that was awesome!″

“Knew you could do it.” Colt was smiling at her and Ellie felt her chest clench. He was always so bitter or angry or sarcastic, but she had rarely seen him smile. To see it bloom on his face, directed at her, was too much; she had to duck her head.

“Yeah right. You just said I was gonna embarrass myself.”

“Doesn’t matter who else believes in you. You gotta believe in yourself.” Ellie looked up to see him staring at her, intense

“Oh I get it. You were messing with me.” Ellie raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, you should take your own advice.”

“What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t matter if your dad believes in you or not.”

Colt let out a chuckle. “Sorry if I’m not convinced by family advice coming from you but you’re probably right.” He glanced out the windshield. “Easier said than done, though.”

“What isn’t?” Ellie watched as he turned back to her and considered her for a long while. Time seemed to stretch as they watched each other. Ellie felt her eyes drift down his face; he was attractive, so attractive, when he wasn’t spewing aggression and scorn. She found herself staring at his lips and had to stop herself from thinking some dangerous thoughts..

She knew she definitely shouldn’t be thinking about Colt this way. When she told Riya that she wanted to find love, she meant that she wanted someone to put her first for once; she didn’t think Colt could ever put anyone above himself.

“…I thought I had you pegged.”

Ellie blinked to clear the haze in her mind. “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing.” And just like that, the moment was over. “Let’s get you to your test.”

They switched seats and Ellie slid into the passenger’s side, trying to stop her mind from spinning. But all the way back to the RMV, Ellie found herself sneaking glances at Colt as he drove, confident and sure, through the busy LA streets. 

And after she learned she finally had her license and was jumping up and down next to the car, she definitely didn’t think about hugging Colt. Not even once.

 

**II**

She ran out of the shadows behind Colt, eyes fixed on Kaneko’s still form. “Kaneko! Are you ok?”

He looked up at them from the ground, leg splayed awkwardly. “Ellie? Colt? What the hell are you doing here?

"We tailed you, Pop. We were protecting you.” Colt’s mouth was a thin line as he put his arm out to help his dad to his feet, eyes flashing angrily.

“So…you heard everything.” Kaneko’s eyes dropped.

Ellie frowned, glancing between the two. “This last job. They don’t mean it, do they?”

“I’m afraid not,” Kaneko looked at the warehouse, eyes distant. “They have no intention of letting us go.”

“No one is playing games with us. We’ll find a way out of this, I promise.” Colt’s resolve reminded her, again, that this was in his blood. 

She took a breath. “I’ve got your back, Colt. Whatever happens, I’m ready to fight dirty.” 

Ellie watched the shock on his face fade into an honest smile. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard you say.” He turned to his father, determined. “I promise you, Pop. I can help you solve this.”

“We will,” Kaneko said as he put his hand on Colt’s shoulder, “together.”

Ellie watched, uneasy, as Colt and Kaneko headed towards the Aylesbury and Colt helped his dad in the car. 

Ellie watched Kaneko drive off until his taillights disappeared into the night. Letting out a sigh, she turned to see Colt biting his lip and staring at her.

“What?” It came out meaner than she meant it. It was an intense night and she was on edge.

Colt shrugged. “Nothing. I just didn’t expect you of all people to be all-in on a plan to take out a rival crew.”

She looked at him incredulously. “Take out? I’m sorry, you’re not the mob. And we need to do something or they will never let go.” She was on edge; the adrenaline was starting to wear off and she just wanted to crawl into bed, into her pajamas, and sleep.

“Well, we have to do something. We can’t just let them push us around!”

She shook her head, grabbing her keys from her pocket and turning towards the car. “I know. I mean….they hurt your dad. I get it.”

Colt grabbed her arm, turning so he could look into her eyes. The shadows played over his face as he moved and she stopped, watching them dance over his eyes. After a pause, he spoke. “Thank you.” He stopped again, biting his lip. “Just….thank you.”

“Of course.” Ellie looked at him. He was still holding on to her arm. The moment stretched on but she couldn’t look away. Her stomach lurched, butterflies fluttering. He was still holding her arm, wholly intent, staring at her. The butteries in her stomach intensified, made her feel like she was falling, gravity pulling her down. Hitting rock bottom would hurt.

She subconsciously licked her lips and saw Colt follow the movement. The butterflies got worse, as if they had morphed into a full-on army staging an attack on her senses. Crap.

“Keys!” Ellie raised her arm, displaying her car keys in her hands.

Colt dropped her arm, taking a step back. “Yes, those are keys. Very good.”

“I mean….” Ellie flushed. “We should get back to the shop.”

Colt nodded, silent, and turned to the car.

Crap.

 

**III**

Ellie grinned. "Well…we didn’t just come up here to stare, right?” Before she could talk herself out of it, she had stripped down to her underwear, clothes in pile on the ground. 

“You wanna jump? Seriously?” Colt turned and caught sight of her; she saw his eyes widen, but he swallowed hard and quickly looked away before she could process it.

“Seriously!” 

“Okay! Okay! You’ve made your point!” He took off his jacket and shirt; Ellie couldn’t help but glance down his chest. How in the world? Ellie flushed. He had no right to have abs like that. Guiltily, she looked away; who knew what he was hiding under that jacket?

Was this what playing with fire was like?

Colt looked over at the cliff. “I know what I’m in for. Do you?”

“Nope! On the count of three…”

Colt looked over at her, cocking an eyebrow as if he expected her to back down. When she only looked at him expectantly, he grinned. “One, two….three!”

Together, they sprinted to the edge and, at the last minute, Ellie’s hand found Colt’s as they flew into the air.

“Aaaaaah!” She screamed and Colt squeezed her hand as they began to plummet, seemingly forever, until they splashed into the ocean. When Ellie surfaced, beaming and shaking water from her face, she was still clutching Colt’s hand.

“Man, I’d almost forgotten what it felt like.” Colt grinned at her.

“See? Are you done downplaying everything?”

Ellie looked at him and was shocked by the intensity in his eyes as he stared back at her. “….Maybe I am.”

They floated together, face to face, and Ellie had no idea when they had gotten so close. She could see the droplets of water in his eyebrows, on his cheeks, edging to his jaw. She watched his gaze, moving from her eyes down her face to settle on her lips.

Crap, when did they get so close?

Ellie let herself float away from him, releasing his hand, needing space before she did something ridiculously dumb.

Colt turned away, ears red. “Sorry, that was stupid. I know you’re with Logan.”

“I’m not with Logan.” Ellie was so confused. It felt like her brain was not keeping up. “Logan and I are just friends.”

“What, like us?”

Ellie just shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah, me either.” Colt just shot her a wounded look and started heading for shore.

Ellie shivered in the cool water.

 

**IV**

When Ellie pictured breaking away from her old life, this rave was exactly what she had been picturing. Lights, colors, drinks, dancing. She was so far from her old life that she almost couldn’t recognize herself…especially not in Mona’s outfit, the colors lighting her body as if she glowed from within. 

She can’t help but love it, bouncing and jumping with Toby and laughing as Salazar creates some dance move that looks like it requires him to be triple-jointed. She finally feels free, a freedom here that she never knew she was missing until she had it.

When Toby went off to dance with the handsome stranger eyeing him, Ellie realized that she too could ask someone to dance too. She feebly looked around the room, but she already knows who she wants to dance with .

“Come on, Colt.” She slid over to him, gesturing to the dance floor.

He looked at her and then glanced back at the crew. “I…don’t really dance.”

“Me neither!” She grinned wide, grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers together. “Now, come on!” She dragged him deeper onto the dance floor, not stopping until she knew they were out of sight of the others.

Colt grinned and she saw his shoulders relax. “Been waiting to get you to myself all day.” She bit her lips as he pulled her closer, into his arms. Tilting her chin up to look into her eyes, he started guiding her hips. “Like this. Follow me.”

Ellie smiled, butterflies back in her stomach. “I’m starting to think you might like me.” Her unspoken  _I’m starting to think I might like you_ hung in the back of her throat.

Colt shook his head. “I don’t like anybody.” However, he smiled as he said it; it is so strange to see him so happy. Ellie started to worry she might like it a little too much but she ignored her voice of reason, wrapping her hands around his neck as he grabbed her waist. 

They are so close, inches from each other. “Is Logan watching?”

Ellie frowned. “You don’t want him to see us?”

“Is it bad that part of me does?”

Ellie rolled her eyes. “I’m not a possession for you two to fight over, Colt. I’m a person.”  _Not a pawn_ , she thought bitterly.

“You’re far more than that, Ellie.”

Ellie looked at him for a beat. “So your plan worked. I think you really impressed your dad today.” She was happy for him, she was. She knew how important his dad’s approval was to him.

“Did I impress you?” Colt stared so intently at her that she started to blush; she couldn’t look away.

“It takes more than that to impress me.”

Colt grinned, ducking his head and freeing her from his gaze. “Good.”

Ellie felt his arms tighten around her waist and she responded in kind, almost automatically, grinding her hips against him, sending shock waves though her body.

“I thought you didn’t know how to dance.”

Ellie had never danced like this before. “It’s like Ximena said. I’m doing what feels good.” His arms around her, hips meeting in slow circles. It felt  _really_ good.

He leaned in closer, so close she could feel the air from his lungs as he spoke, making her lips tingle. “Then you should keep doing what feels good.”

Ellie froze, feeling like she was caught in a net. Any move forward would mean their lips would meet and she felt it, the almost irresistible desire to fall forward into him. She hung in the moment for a second, maybe longer, but then just pulled him closer, grazing his cheek with hers as their bodies melded together.

“You know I’d kill for the people I care about, right? But that’s a very short list.” He spoke in her ear and she could again feel his breath against her skin; she felt oversensitive, every nerve lighting up.

Ellie pulled back to look into his eyes and was stunned by the intensity in his gaze. “Are you saying I’m on it?”

He said nothing and Ellie stared, looking from his eyes, piercing through her, traveling down his face to watch his lips. The moment was electric and Ellie swallowed, hard. She forced herself to look away and Colt just pulled her tighter, moving her in time with the music with gentle hands around her waist.

They returned to the crew together and Colt was by her side all night. More than once, Ellie watched him, staring at his profile. She had basically run away from home to live her life her way, take chances, make mistakes.

Why were there some chances she was still terrified to take?

 

**V**

Ellie stared out the window and shook her head. Some of her original fury had worn off and now she just felt tired, sad, and alone.

“You belong with someone who knows how much you’re capable of.” Colt stared at her, clutching the steering wheel of her car. He understood her more than anyone, more than Riya, more than her dad, and still….

She didn’t know if she could do this. After all that had happened, she didn’t know if she could combine both of these parts of her life.

She shook her head. “That’s a nice fantasy, Colt, But it’s just a fantasy. It’s time I get back to the real world. I need to clean up the mess I’ve made of my life.”

“Yeah….I get that.” Colt frowned at her.

“I wish….” Ellie sighed, trailing off. “Well, it doesn’t matter what I wish.”

Colt leaned over, across the console, and put a gentle hand on her cheek. She leaned into it and prayed that the tears wouldn’t make their way down her cheeks. Colt looked sad, wrecked, and said, softly, “It does to me.”

Ellie could almost feel her heart break in her chest. “It doesn’t do us any good to talk about that now.”

“I’ve never been interested in doing any good.”

Ellie turned to look out at Riya’s house. Crap. The tears were starting to roll down her cheeks. She roughly swiped at them, trying to hide motion from Colt. She knew he saw but, thankfully, chose not to say anything. She watched the morning wind rustle the trees, the light reflecting off Riya’s windows. 

Finally, she turned back to him. He was still looking at her, a crease between his eyes, lips down-turned. She ached to reach out, smooth the creases on his forehead, finally find out how soft his lips were….

She had to stop. It was time to go back. With a noise in between a sigh and a sob, she grabbed the handle of the car door and pushed it open. 

The morning air felt cool on her face. Refreshing. Someone was starting their car down the street, probably heading to work. Even that routine noise seemed surreal given her last few days.

Colt closed his door, snapping her out of her thoughts. He tossed her the keys, her keys. “Take the car, will ya? Toby never’d forgive me if I didn’t make you keep it.”

“How will you get back?”

“Don’t worry about me.” She frowned. It was a little late for that. She couldn’t help but worry about the boy who was constantly trying to take on the world.

Ellie nodded. “See you around, Colt. Maybe.”

She watched his back as he walked down the street, smaller and smaller still until he vanished into the distance. She wondered if she would ever see him again.

 

**1**

Colt’s eyes were furious, absolutely furious, and, if Ellie didn’t understand him as well as she did, she would have been terrified. He was glaring at her, eyes a blaze of anger, and she could see his arms vibrating, shaking with the energy it took to hold himself back.

Ellie could not, would not back down. "Colt…..we can’t do this.”

His nostrils were flaring as he sucked in heavy breaths.

“You know we can’t do this.” She held his glare, refusing to look away.

Finally, Colt turned to his dad. “Fine. Plan’s off. Get the stuff out of here.” With one last glare at Ellie, he turned and bent to grab a rock from the ground. Ellie watched him throw it, far, through the window of The Brotherhood’s warehouse hideout. Crap. Hopefully they couldn’t trace that bit of property damage back to the crew.

Colt kicked another rock, sending it scattering across the warehouse, and stormed over to his bike. Ellie took a few steps forward. “Colt….”

He turned with a snarl, dark eyes barely visible. “Don’t talk to me.” He slammed the visor down, revved the bike, and sped off.

Ellie felt tears fill her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She could only hope that she had done the right thing.

~~~~~

Colt didn’t return to the shop for hours,  _hours_. Ellie sat, watching the minutes click by on her phone. One by one, the crew had gone to bed after a draining night but Ellie could not sleep. With a sigh, she threw herself into her driver’s side door and backed out into the dark street. She knew Colt would not be happy to see her, but she also knew she couldn’t leave him to his demons right now.

The off-ramp was dark. She parked far away and walked, avoiding branches and stones, until the path opened up and she was looking out over the cliff and the Pacific Ocean. A lone figure sat, arms crossed over his knees, staring out in to the horizon. Ellie sighed and walked closer.

“I told you to leave me alone.” He hadn’t even turned his back.

“I know.” Ellie looked at her hands. “And, if you really want me to go, I will. But I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

Colt stood up, unfurling, dark against the night sky. “We had them, Ellie. We had them. Why the hell…”

“Colt, what you had was enough explosives to take out a city block. You were going too far and, if you did that, you would have never been safe. They would have hunted you, hunted your dad. Not to mention you could have been killed-”

He cut her off with a sharp shake of his head. “We’re not safe now, Ellie. This doesn’t make us any safer-”

“This wasn’t about your freedom!” Ellie’s voice, louder now, harsher, echoed around the cliff. “This wasn’t about getting out from under their thumb. This was about revenge.”

Colt stalked closer. His eyes had lost some of the fire but they were still burning, flaring. She was the moth and he was the flame and his fire was going to consume her. “Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you, if it was your dad? If it was someone you cared about?”

Ellie stared back. She knew he was right. She would. For all that she rebelled against her father, she could understand Colt’s anger. She would.

Colt shook his head, looking into the distance. “This was our shot. And we threw it away.”

“There will be another shot, Colt. We can think of another plan. One that gets us freedom and not a turf war.”

“We?  _We_? No, you took off to go back to your real life.” Colt laughed bitterly. “There’s no we. It’s me. I will need to think of something. Again.” He turned his back on her, looking back at the ocean. He was all sharp movements and pain, shoulders rigid.

Ellie stood, waited. The silence stretched so long she swore she could see the moon traveling though the sky. She was about to give up and turn back to the car when she had a thought. “….Colt? Why did you listen to me?”

He turned, hallway, profile sharp. A light wind started blowing and Ellie shivered. Finally, he turned around to face her, considering her. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped, shrugging and looking down. “You’re smart. I always listen to you.”

“That is not tru-”

“It is and I do. You know you’re smart.” Colt paused, considering. “I trust you, My dad hates it. But I trust you.”

“Ha. I don’t think your dad is going to be happy about this.”

Colt rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but he wasn’t happy when I fought for you to drive in the stadium tunnels or when I told you how Logan tricked you. He’ll get over it.”

Ellie took a few steps closer, mind racing. “Colt, you don’t need to choose me over your dad.”

“You chose.” She was close enough that she could see him clearly now, even in the dark. His hair was mussed, t-shirt wrinkled. 

Ellie’s heart hurt. “I need to fix my life, see my dad, my friends. But maybe I don’t want it to be all or nothing, either.” Colt looked at her, brow raised questioningly. “Maybe I can help fix this too.” Colt still said nothing so she took a step closer. “You’re not on your own here, Colt. I want to help.”

Colt looked away, back towards the road, and shook his head. “It doesn’t work like-”

Ellie cut him off with her lips, closing the distance and pressing her lips to his, chastely. It was an apology, a question, and a wish all thrown together in one last-ditch effort to fix what had shattered.

Colt froze and didn’t move an inch. When she pulled back, he was staring at her, almost gaping. She could hear her heart pounding, blood rushing in her ears, but he didn’t speak. 

She dropped her eyes and nodded. He didn’t kiss her back. No answer was definitely an answer. Stuffing her hands in her pockets, she turned and headed back to the car. 

The walk back from the cliff seemed infinitely longer than the walk out and she had to blink back tears every few steps so she could follow the path. Sometimes you can’t fix broken things…or broken people.

She had just pulled out her car keys, desperate to slide back into the driver’s seat and put some distance between them, when she heard rapid footsteps coming up the path. She spun as Colt emerged, breathless and staring at her.

“Did you mean it?”

“What?” Ellie wasn’t keeping up.

“Did you mean it?” Colt repeated. “Are you in?”

Ellie took a deep breath. “If you still want.”

Colt closed the distance between them. “I still want.” She caught sight of his grin as he pulled her into his arms and his lips met hers. This, this was more than a one-sided meeting of lips. Colt kissed her like did everything, full-throttle, intense. She felt his hands circle her waist and back her into the car door, trapping her between the cool metal and his warm chest, a comforting weight against her. He pulled back to look at her and she was sure that he could see her amazement reflected in his eyes. Colt grinned down at her, eyes shining in the moonlight.

Ellie grinned up right back, threading her fingers though his hair for one last kiss. “Let’s go back to the shop. We have a plan to make.” She held his smile for a beat more before turning to get into her car. She didn’t know what would happen next but she knew she wouldn’t leave Colt to get out of this mess alone. Even when you think you’re going the wrong way, sometimes, you gotta stay the course.


End file.
